Infatuation


In taking stock of my love life or lack there of throughout the years I’ve come to the conclusion that I have never truly been in love before. I have been infatuated many a time though. Infatuation is a real tough thing. I wouldn’t call it an artificial emotion per say but then again in a sense thats how it can come off. I think about when people talk about love at first sight and I wonder why I haven’t experienced or to my knowledge nobody has experienced that with me. I’m speaking in purely relationship terms as far as falling for somebody as opposed to say the first time somebody see’s their child or niece or nephew because I can say with much honesty that the first time I saw my niece Maya and then a few years later my nephew Malik, and even more recentlly my niece Jayden I loved those kids immediately but anybody with a functioning brain knows that those are two very different types of love. My point in all of this is that nobody experiences “love at first sight”. It’s infatuation. That isn’t to say that it cannot grow into love because I think that is how it starts. Something attracts you to that person the way they dress, talk, look, think, even smell. From what you see they fit some sort of ideal you’ve condured in your mind to the perfect mate or something like that. Thing is and this is I think obvious is that you can’t really and trully love somebody until you get to know them. Oddly enough the best description of this came from Brad Pitt of all people. I read that he said “I don’t believe in love at first sight but infatuation, true love is something that grows over time”. I don’t know about you but personally I think that for as simply put as that is, its really deep and really true. Now the only real reason I am writing this is well because I am quite infatuated with a young lady right now. I’ve actually even managed to take a risk and actually tell her how much I like her and she responded very positively to it. At this juncture we are still friends which is difficult for me but it is also very necessary because we do still need to get to know each other. We’ve only been out a couple times and talk on at least a weekly basis usually at least twice sometimes more. Yet despite the fact that I don’t know her so well she is constantly on my mind. Like I said before she seems to fit the ideal I’ve come up with in my head My writing this is kind of reminding myself is that it is not that serious yet and that I need to step back and breathe easy and let things flow. That is so much easier said than done but hey gotta try. Living in Pittsburgh where from my observation relationships tend to be disasters (ask anybody who lives here) I know one of the reasons for this is because people meet and lets say three days later they are exclusively dating and like 4 months after that talking about marriage. In a word that’s insanity. It may also help to explain why divorce rates are so high in this area and in the country as a whole. But I think that is getting off the main topic. The point from that I am trying to make (and in all honesty remind myself) is that fool’s rush in don’t be foolish take your time good things come to those who wait, and whatever other well known phrases apply. I think though one of things that makes it also so difficult is that I am very new to this type of thing. I mean I am going to be 25 at the end of this month and have never been on what I consider a real date let alone been in a relationship. Truth be told this is the first girl I have ever told face to face how I feel about her. It had to be one of the hardest and scariest things I have ever done in my life but afterwards I have a little more self confidence than I had before hand so that is a bonus. Still though that fear of rejection remains. So basically just going to have to wait and see how it turns out fully expecting the best but being prepared for the worst, and just as importantly taking it one day at a time.


E-Z